Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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