You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
