He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
