That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
