someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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