Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
