Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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