Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
