yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
