you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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