people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
pray to the hookup gods
I need water and some morals
Randomize
