I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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