id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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