I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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