The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
