well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
