she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
