Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This toilet bowl is my home.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
