I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
