we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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