I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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