if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
