when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
