I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
