i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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