I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
