he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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