Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
