I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
