It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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