nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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