I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
