Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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