Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
