And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
