Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
