Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
