By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up under a house in Key West
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
