Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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