On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
