how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
