So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
