i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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