I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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