Tell her she can't have a vagina
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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