woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
