No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
