just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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