You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
