Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
