well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
