My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
