I just threw up on my dentist
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
