i just wanna soil my oats bro
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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