at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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