I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
