I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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