She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just want nice things and good sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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