he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
