She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
