He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
