But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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