I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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