you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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