If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
