if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
