Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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