I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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