I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
