Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
