i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
