It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
