god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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